Merely Hopeless

Inside of me there is a sadness that burns slowly. My soul is wounded and scarred. These embers do not rage with fiery flames; No, they burn ever so slowly, torturing me from within. Love can cool the suffering, ease the pain, yet for me it continues to be an agony that I can get no relief from.

Typically, one could call me a hopeless romantic, now, they merely call me hopeless. The love that I have worked so hard to maintain is not love of the heart but a love of convenience. It is a comfort to others to have this steadfast woman watching over them, to see that she shall remain no matter the discomfort she may feel.

How long must I feel as though I am dying inside? My soul is shattered and I can barely breathe Some days it seems there is no reason to continue on. He does not see that he is the weapon that will rip the next wound into my spirit and destroy my hope. He does not see that he is the one that decides our outcome, not me.

How many times must I accept the lies as his truths? How many times must I be set aside in order for him to give way to selfish, lustful thoughts and fantasies? Surely he must know, at least somewhere inside of himself, that I love him and that the lies are far worse than the acts of fantasy infidelity.

How many times will I have to continue to take the blame for what I have not done in order for him to rationalize what he has done? His actions speak so much louder than his words. He speaks of love undying. He says that I am the only one for him and that he is amazed at the beauty that remains after all of these years; yet, I am not enough.

Peaceful as the River Flows

On the surface it does not show
Peaceful as the river flows
But silent is the rage below
As on and on our love does go

From bank to bank and in between
Flowing gently rolling free
Then suddenly on bended knee
My love is asking too much of me

I can not please him or give in
I do not know how I must begin
To regain what might have been
Still somehow I'll try again

Peaceful as the river flows
On the surface it does not show
But silent is the rage below
So now it's time to let him go

Our Demise

There are times I feel my soul bleeding from the mere sound of his voice. The words of discontent pulsate through me and my heart races at the thought of running. My mind prays for an escape but does not know how.

I can not see clearly the path that lay before me but I see us divided and the end coming ever closer. It is as though we are teetering on the edge of a cliff with the hope that the rocks beneath us do not give way.

Torn and scattered are the memories of the love that once tied us together as the evil has destroyed all that remained of that love. His lust, my depression, our greed and deceit, no truths be left that can rebuild the foundation that we picked apart piece by piece. The hammer slowly chipped away one fragment at a time the stone that at one time could have stood for a lifetime.

Like a volcano that erupted without warning our lives became so full of hatred we exploded and our love turned to ash that has cooled over the years. No longer do we burn for one another in passion and desire, now we are cold and unfeeling.

What remains is a tie that belongs to the apron around my waste and the leash upon his neck. he does not respect me and I have lost my respect for him. We are lost and confused hoping to rebuild what nearly seems hopeless.