So Close

A Letter of Love

My Love,

My life began the moment that I met you. Nothing that came before you in my life made sense. I was lost in a world of numbness, traveling the path of life on a clouded course. I could not see all the beauty that you have shown me. Through your eyes, I was able to experience things I could have never known otherwise.

When we touched, I felt the freedom of eagles soar through my veins and the peace of the dove light on my heart. I was able to feel the wind in my face and the warmth of the sun upon my skin. For the first time I was able to feel the agony of loneliness when we were apart and the passion of desire when our eyes again would meet.

Through your kiss, I was able to taste all the sweetness that life and love have to offer and yet with this sweetness come the bitter truth in the words that escaped your lips. The sorrow of a shattered dream weighed on my mind as I heard those words repeatedly, “I’m not ready. I can’t be the man you need me to be.”

Still you called upon me in times of need. You whispered soft tenderness into my soul with the smoothest of tones. Your words that were so harsh had moments of chivalry and charm, like poetry to my soul. You spoke of our friendship in terms of eternity, and our love as never dying, but left it as a love of friendship not passion and romance.

You offered your hand when I was in need and caught me when I fell. You spoke my name as your lover, your friend, and the one that you knew would always be there. You told others that you loved me but could not tell me.

You put a ring upon my finger and knelt before me with a promise that we would always be as one and that one day we would make it official. Still your harsh words lingered in my mind and soul. Tears flood over me as I think of the way your tears fell when you thought that I was unable to go on the way it was.

You offered to take me in and help me if I wanted to escape the life that held me captive and yet I could not go. I wanted you; I need you, for more than you were willing to give. If only you had said, you wanted me there, if only you had asked me to stay. I would not have been able to resist.

So much time was lost in the fear that I was pushing you into unhappiness. All that I ever wanted was your happiness. You deserved to be free, to have all of your dreams come true, to see the world the way that only you could. I wanted your freedom, yet in the same breath, I hoped that you would choose me.

I remember wanting to ask you “Is it not of your essence to send love out before you receive it?” I can recall wanting to say, “Tell me first that you want me, that you need me. Show me that your love is true, and stand beside me no matter what happens. Do not allow your own weakness to stand between the two of us finding happiness,” the words remained silently tucked away inside of me.

Instead, I ask that you remain with me only in spirit. I pray you find joy and love in abundance and that you share it with all of those that surround you so it may be returned to you. I hope that you dance freely, sing loudly, and let your voice be heard by many. I wish for you to find peace and happiness in all that you do, all that you are, and all that we once shared.

For you I would give my life that you might live in health, wealth, and happiness for all eternity. My spirit bound to you only in love and light will remain forever yours but because I love you so deeply, I set you free.

I know that if you would return of your own free will, here is where you will remain. I have no regrets, no sorrows, and no pain just as I wish for you. I hope that every light you see is another door on the journey of happiness that is open to you and that darkness does not find you.

With all that, I am and all I will ever become know that for eternity you are always welcome wherever I may be.

My heart belongs to you always,

Your love